And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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