On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
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I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
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She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
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