Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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