gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize