You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
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