Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
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I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
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I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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