Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize