moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
he was CRYING into my vagina
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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