so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
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Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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