WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
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I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
i need some magic done to my vagina
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Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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