awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
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Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
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Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
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