I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
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Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
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She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
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