College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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