I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
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