Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
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Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
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Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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