"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize