i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
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You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
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dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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