Too much gin, very little bucket
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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