in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
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