I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
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