Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
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