I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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