Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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