True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
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Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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