I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
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My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
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Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
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