I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
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