She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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