I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize