I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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