I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
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And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
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WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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