he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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