your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize