I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize