I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
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