she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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