Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
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She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
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One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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