so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
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Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
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Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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