you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize