FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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