he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
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you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
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At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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