Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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