you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
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