just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
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Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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