All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I don't deserve a penis
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
