WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
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Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
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you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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