): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
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he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
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I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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