Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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