It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
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i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
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Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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