btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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