I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
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